Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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