just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
