Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
