she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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