I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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