I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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