quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
