No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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