don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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