can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
