I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
