i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
This toilet bowl is my home.
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