My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
