A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
