a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
