just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
