areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
