Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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