I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
