Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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