Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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