I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
