Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Can i not drive my cunt home
Please, let me fuck your mom
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
