My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
