Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
