He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
