did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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