I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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