I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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