the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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