We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
