You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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