Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
