I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
