Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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