I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think a kid would responsible me up
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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