I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
