At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
