Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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