Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
