Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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