why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Are we still banned from the library?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
