I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Randomize
