what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
