that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
