I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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