to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Drake has all the answers
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
