but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
