I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
