Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
