I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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