I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
