i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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